When it leaves, let it be

It’s so unfortunate when you open up to someone and it isn’t enough to get it across that your into them. I guess I’ve never been that good at showing my feelings and even accepting my feelings because tbh I’ve always been caught up in trying to move on for the longest from my ex. And I guess this experience just goes to show I officially moved on because I was so open to the idea of pursuing something more with someone new. So many guys just don’t get me. But what sucks is this guy had so many qualities that I value so much: a love for music, morals. He definitely had a different perspective from what I am used to. I’ve always been one to be serious and dramatize everything. And the fact that this guy never took anything seriously and laughed about everything made me super skeptical at first  and tbh i wanted to run the other way but I was like fuck it, I always preach about having an open perspective to new things and new ways of life but I can’t even give this guy who clearly has feelings for me a chance? I became so much more accepting and tbh I learned to really enjoy his way of viewing life. He taught me that its good to be serious about things but also to not forget to just chill out every once in a while and just have a good time. I really appreciate him as a person. It didn’t work out because he was convinced that because I couldn’t hang out certain times that it meant I was curving him and that I didn’t like him the way i said I did. You guys have no idea how frustrating and hurtful it is to open up to someone and show them more than you’ve ever really showed any other guy in a long ass time and that still not be good enough to at least solidify some feelings. I do get where he is coming from. I’m always open to viewing another’s point and reflecting on it. I understand it’s not easy to really formulate anything serious over text. It just sucks he wasn’t willing to wait one more month for summer to roll around because then I wouldn’t have anything else clouding my thoughts. But I guess this is just a lesson. And at least now I know that I really just shouldn’t let anyone in because no matter how great the person is, they will never truly understand you. I don’t think anyone has really gotten me since Trevor but I really thought this guy was into me but i guess I was more into him than he was me. And that’s okay. I respect how he feels and its unfortunate that a journey had to end so quickly without me even getting the chance to try for something a little more. Not necessarily a relationship cuz gross lol but at least a little more than friends. I’m just grateful for at least talking to him as much as I did. I’m not going to be bitter over it. It’s a part of life. People aren’t always going to understand each other completely or see eye-to-eye and that’s okay. Just cherish what you got when you got it and when it leaves and its gone, let it be free.

~An Ordinary

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