A Note on Feelings

Is it ever easy to tell someone that you are falling for them? Is it ever easy to admit that you are falling for someone? Spending your adolescence believing that each guy you date is “different” and then being proven wrong repeatedly time and time again to the point where you don’t even know what different is supposed to be like, what different is supposed to feel like. Are you supposed to feel giddy and on top of the world? Are you supposed to feel like your heart is boiling with a constant anger fueled by passion? Are you supposed to feel nonchalant about everything and content with the minority the relationship seems to resemble? How is different supposed to feel? I guess you just never really know what different really is until it stops proving you wrong and begins to become the reality of what you believed it to be. Having feelings is hard. It requires an understanding of yourself, first and foremost. It requires an understanding of another person. It also requires the understanding of the limits and the actual reality of the potential of those feelings growing into something more than the roots being planted into your fertilized heart-shaped garden. How many roots does it take to realize that not all roots are meant to grow into flowers or trees? How many dead flowers does it take to realize that not all flowers are meant to bloom eternally? I guess what I am trying to say is, it is okay not to know exactly what you are feeling or not to understand it fully. What is not okay is not being honest that (no matter what kind of feelings they are) that they ARE feelings and that because of those feelings, you are alive.  Now that is something to be recognized. You can lie to others and deny that you have feelings but, remember, you can never lie to yourself. Your subconscious is smarter than you realize.

~An Ordinary

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