Okay, so clearly I already messed up my resolution. My life is honestly so unpredictable and this does not mean that I am going to give up completely on my planned out days for my blog. I will for sure keep some of them such as the Saturday Night Sounds, Topic Tuesday, Therapeutic Thursday and Wardrobe Wednesday but I can’t promise every post to correlate to the list I made previously. I say this because I have discovered that my mind cannot be tamed (as cliché as that may sound). My thoughts are constantly stumbling all over about many different facets throughout the day so why plan out everything? What is the fun in that? Where is the spontaneity? I can assure that there will be posts of various kinds including those I mentioned above but maybe I will post something unexpected on a certain day when I have the ability to sit down and write my mind down for you to all bask in. The second semester of Senior year is already kicking my ass.
I know I missed yesterday’s Sustenance Sunday so below are my brunch and my dinner. And now I am hungry lol
So I know it has been a while but I am back! I’m so excited to continue in this blogging journey. I had been so busy with school and everything in between but I realized that I shouldn’t give up one of my passions just because I am busy. I need other things to do than just school work. So I am beginning several different journeys including fitness, music & blogging and hopefully sometime next year my vlogging!! Can’t wait to share everything with you guys.
A part of me always wants to think the worst in every situation even when I know I shouldn’t. The constant overthinking and doubting is what ends up tearing me apart and to be honest? If what I fear is true, it is okay. I’ve always seemed to turn to some guy to fill your void, sometimes unexpectedly, sometimes not. But I don’t need anyone damn it. No matter how much I miss that feeling or want it back, it’s a void that is meant to be left alone. All I can really do now is try and fill up the parts surrounding it with love, and joy, and hurt, and sadness, and everything that makes me me. And when the time, when OUR time is finally here, that void, OUR void, will welcome you back home.
It’s been a year since I’ve posted anything. Believe it or not but having a blog takes a magnitude of devotion for it to actually exist successfully. A year can change even the most scheduled , on track person, and most importantly, it may teach you a few new things about yourself. Remember the guy I talked about last year? He still remains the love of my life. And I have great news for those romantics out there. It remains magical and everything you could ever dream that love consists of. Love. Support. Intimacy. Honesty. And my favorite: Inspirational. I’ve never quite met a man like him before. My favorite thing about my relationship is that we have, instead of finding differences in how each of us has changed, have grown together. Such a wonderful thing when two can find the beauty in the growth and the excitement for the future. His dream is to be in the military and mine? Mine is to become an Attorney and eventually establish my own practice in the city. Our paths and dreams are completely different, but our goals for us in the relationship remain the same. When I was younger I would always see my family and all my older cousins having children young and never really following their dreams or plans for their career. I would always tell myself, “I will never do that. Guys aren’t worth altering your path to success.” I told myself I would never date after me and the man I’m with broke up. However, here I am. Still with that man. Still happily in love. And thinking about the future scares me a little. Not because I’m scared of the reality of growing up but more that I’m scared of the reality of distance and time tearing us apart. I believe we will last. And I believe, like mini me so highly opposed of: he is worth it. And not just him but Love is worth it. What’s the point of success when there is no one by your side to bask in it? He plans to be in the military for the rest of his life, and that scares me only because I don’t want our child growing up with only one parent around watching him/her grow up each and everyday. Although those are ideas I struggle with, it will work out the way it is intended to. Which is why I have chosen not to force anything that the guy I am with and I are not ready for. It is so bizarre how fast time has seemed to slip away. I can almost remember it as if it were a day go: Me worrying about a guy I’m dating and if he likes me or why he didn’t hug me before we said goodbye or worrying about not getting the same Spanish class as him. But now? I’m worrying about him dying on the battlefield and me losing the love of my life as he fights for the love of his country. The friendship spectrum hasn’t been so bright this year. And it’s honestly not a bad thing. I’ve realized that a lot of the friends I thought I had were merely just people I needed to get rid of when I had the chance. Do you ever just feel like you’re being used? Or maybe like your best friend only talks about herself and her latest boy toy? Yup. That was me. And let me just tell you: once you stop being friends with those who are toxic, there is really only smooth sailing from there. Don’t get me wrong. Putting an end to something that has almost felt like forever when you’re a teen can be painful. But it is essential. You remember that friend that your parents always said were not true friends or the friend that your parents got a bad vibe about? They were most likely right. Believe it or not but you’re parents care more about you than you think they do.I guess what I want you, my reader, to get out of this is that sometimes Love may alter your path and there is nothing wrong with that. It’s important to always just follow your heart with whatever you decide to do. And just a friendly reminder: your family and your true best friend will support you with your decisions. I’m sorry for ranting so much. I guess that’s just the life of a teenager jumbling so many thoughts in her ever growing mind with so much more to learn and grow. Don’t even get me started on school! But that can be discussed later.
Until then, my readers, continue to expand your knowledge and remember; you are beautiful.
What is Christmas? Christmas is a time to share with your family and friends. It is a time of joy and happiness. It is not about the gifts at all. In fact, my family and I aren’t exchanging much gifts this year. We are content with everything we have. And I find that extremely fascinating. Not only is it something new and different, but it is also something highly influential and inspiring for myself. Now that I’m older, I have realized that I don’t need EVERYTHING materialistic in this world to be happy. What I really need is my family. Love is so beautiful. It is especially beautiful when it is shared with the people that mean the most to you. What would any holiday be without sharing it with the people you love? It would be quite pointless. Sure, some say that they are content alone but what person spends a holiday alone? It is very rare. Holidays are what bring people close together. I am Catholic, so Christmas is a very important thing to me because it is the day that Jesus was born. In essence, this is really why we call Christmas Christmas, because it was the day Christ was born. I am religious, however I’m not one to constantly boast about my religion or how much I follow what I follow. I firmly believe that whether people know things about me means nothing. What matters is I know for myself who I am and what I believe in. Now that Christmas is just around the corner, I’m beginning to forgive everyone that has hurt me this year. I tend to do this each Christmas. Just like Jesus forgives us for our sins, I forgive those who have done me wrong in the past. But, most importantly I make it my goal to forgive myself for what I have done wrong this year. Nobody is perfect and believe me, I’m not even close to perfect. I’ve hurt people that mean the most to me this year and it is almost like a burden to me. I gave up my best friend for a boy. And for what? Just to be hurt in the end by the guy I thought was it. I guess you can never be sure what relationship is going to last and what relationship isn’t. But, what I find the most messed up about what I did was I left my best friend when she needed me the most. I feel as if I failed her. And I know it’s okay because I continued to be there for her. She is back in my life again and I have learned my lesson. But, I know never to give up a person that means so much to me for another person’s happiness and my temporary happiness. I look at it this way, I could try and say that I failed by best friend, but in reality, who can you really fail but yourself? I lost the guy I truly loved. A guy I spent years trying to figure out when all he ever did was get to know me on his own time. He told me I was the biggest mistake of his life and a waste of time. When he first told me this, I believed him and believe me it hurt like shit. But I realize now that I don’t deserve someone who sees less than my worth. Like an inspiring quote from the movie ‘Gods Not Dead,’ “To the wrong person, you will never have any worth.” Although I fell for this guy, I’ve learned that God does what he does for a reason. I’ve learned a lot from my relationship and all those lessons and memories I shared with this incredible person, I will cherish forever. Your maturity isn’t based off of what you did in the relationship, but with how you handle the result of the failed relationship. Why hate someone when there is a possibility to love their imperfections? Sure he hurt me, but what relationship does’t hurt? That’s the beauty of it. Knowing you can still feel the pain. Knowing that your still alive even after you thought you wouldn’t survived and that the pain was too unbearable. Love is such a beautiful tragic thing. And you learn so much from it. So to you, my readers, never give up! The things we experience in life are what strengthens us and helps us grow as individuals. Never forget your worth. And most importantly, Never give up.