5.6.18 Updates

 

it’s hard to believe that the end of my 2nd semester of college is approaching. I have studied about 4 hours straight reviewing for my Neuroscience final that is tomorrow (my last final)! I was in the mood to write earlier when I was studying but I forced myself to get through with reviewing all four units (14 chapters) before writing so now my urge to write has kind of depleted. I have to listen to myself more often! Anywho, this year of college has really tested my ability to be alone as well as my ability to balance my academics and my relationships (friendships, family, significant others). I felt so damn lonely for the longest time. It wasn’t until literally 2/3 weeks ago that I found someone very similar to me that kind of filled that void. I’m forever grateful for that. Also, I really improved in managing my time and studying. Depending on what I get on my final, I’ll most likely be looking at a 4.0 GPA as a Neuroscience major for this semester. Let me know if you guys want tips on studying, I’d be more than willing to dedicate a post to that. I’m just so damn ready to finally be able to make time for myself. I’m currently listening to Kusanagi by ODESZA. The sun is hitting the table that I’m sitting at in Starbucks/Moody Library so nicely. I’ll insert pics 😉 SO much is in store for this summer. The first two months (May & June) will consist of time for myself, working out, writing, spending time with the people that mean the world to me. July will be spent in Great Britain and Paris studying Behavioral Medicine and Clinical Psychology. August will consist of bringing my mind back and ready to take on my second year of college moving into my very first apartment. Excited to spruce it up to make it a real home w/ cute plants and all the simplicities of life that make it worthwhile. This just turned into an update post lol but whatever, it works. I’ve taken to Tumblr again which you guys can find me @notetolife as well. Tumblr is like twitter for me but so much more intimate. I would love to connect with you all there as well ❤  I’m currently working on loving myself more and really just coming to terms with who I am. Okay, so now Manastra // Summer Salt is playing. wow. i feel so happy.  Anyways. I’m at the part in my life where I am still growing and figuring out what exactly I want in life and who I want to be in it. It’s a tough journey – life, But I know I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be now. Gonna let the light SHINE on me. That was unplanned but LMFAO, leave a comment if you know what that song references. If you don’t know, you haven’t lived. hehe. Anyways, I’ll wrap this up with a couple last words. I plan on writing way more like WAY more. On here. On Tumblr. I might try youtube again – covers and maybe even some originals that I have been working on. I plan on reading way more. My goal is to read about 5 books this summer. Future Police // The Irons.  Okay, I’m going to go back to studying. Thanks for reading it all the way to here if you did :’)

to all of the important people in my life: thanks for being here for me. I am internally grateful for you even if I don’t say it much. Colourway // Novo Amor. 

talk to you all soon.

mo

drowning

it’s hard. to lose someone who two days ago was explaining how much you mean to them and “how did you ever live without me before we met” and then all of a sudden two days later they aren’t in your life. I will never know why life consistently throws curve balls at my heart as if it wasn’t already bruised enough from the past. You know how long it took me to heal those? about 2 years. when I met you. I have never felt such strong love. I have been in love, I’ll admit. But this? This was different. This was mature and healthy. No fights. Annoyances, of course, but despite disagreements, always knowing that at the end of it all it would be okay because we loved each other – like REALLY loved each other. best friends. lovers. what hurts the most is that there was no reason for the end. you are in love with me. you want to be with me. I’m in love with you. I want to be with you. So why aren’t we together? you know how “when you know, you know?” It’s cliche but it’s one of the truest cliche I’ve ever known. with you, i knew. I was surprised at myself how every guy out there, attractive ones and not, would pass me by but all my eyes fixated on was you. I was comfortable to be myself. I gave myself. I trusted that this was the real thing.  A part of me believes that this is a mistake. That you will realize that you love me and this was just you not knowing how to handle your internal mentality right now. Another part of me wonders if I’m just wishfully thinking. I love hard. I put my entirety into the person I love. and it is never good enough. But maybe I should stop. Stop pretending like everything is meant to be. Because it if was, maybe you wouldn’t have pushed me away. You clearly felt this wasn’t for you. maybe you were just sugar coating the real reason. who knows? only you do, deep down inside. All I know is that people who are in love don’t just up and leave all of a sudden. life is hard yeah. life will always be hard. but what happens when you’ve pushed away everyone who cares and loves you? You like to deal with your issues alone. It won’t work. My heart is my weakness and I feel like one day I will just drown in all the love I have created for you. the love that you no longer care to receive. maybe I’m just undeserving. maybe no one was ever meant to truly love me.

I’m drowning.

 

feb music tag: day 28,29,30

This music tag is coming to an end and I am kind of bummed tbh. This has been a really good mental exercise for me – more than I thought it would be at least. Having to take a topic and then figure out what song I thought related to it. I realized when I began this music challenge that there aren’t even 30 days in February, so I figured I would include 3 songs in this one. Like a mega-tag post. So keep reading to hear day 28, 29, and 30’s song.

Day 28: “ An old song that you still listen to frequently”

I feel like I still listen to a lot of old Blink 182, Nirvana and basically older punk/rock bands. So I figured I would highlight a Nirvana song because last Tuesday was Kurt Cobain’s birthday :/ RIP. He would be 51. That’s crazy as hell.

Day 29: “A song from your childhood”

I feel like day 28 is kind of similar. But anyways, I’ll highlight a major bop from my childhood that I have always loved.

Day 30: “Your favorite song at this time last year”

I just checked my TimeHop to see if I had posted a song on twitter this time last year because that is basically the main way I utilize Twitter.  And of course, I did. I love that my favorite songs are typically songs from before or early in my time. Old music never dies.

I’m lowkey sad that this music tag is over. But let me know if you guys enjoyed this. I will continue to do song/artist recommendations occasionally though. But I am extremely excited to start posting more on my therapeutic conversations/lifestyle tab – hopefully more consistently 🙂

mo

feb music tag: day 27

A song  you associate with a book”

Unfortunately, I haven’t had much time to do outside reading this semester, so I figured I would do this post based off of my favorite book: Perspective by Robert J. Wicks. It’s this psychology-based book that takes you through different perspectives in order to realize at the end that there is always a calm within the storm. In other words, there are always positives within the negatives of life and it is up to you to channel a particular perspective in order to achieve the ability to acknowledge that positive.

Anyways, this song reminds me of that concept.

Hope you enjoy 🙂

mo

ps : don’t forget if the video doesn’t play on WordPress reader, click to my website and it will play there!

feb music tag: day 26

A song  you associate with a movie”

In case none of you know, my favorite movie is Jennifer’s Body. Not only do I love movies with a strong female lead that EATS human flesh – mostly guys – for dinner, but I love good movies with GREAT soundtracks. This one happens to be one of those movies. I can literally hear a song from the movie and know exactly what scene it played during. I wish I could mention the entire soundtrack but I have to choose one song :/ Therefore, here it is. If you like the vibe of it, please please please check out the entire soundtrack.

In previous posts, I have already mentioned Ready for the Floor by Lissy Trullie and Violet by Hole. So, today this post focuses on Kiss with a Fist by Florence + The Machine 

hope it stimulates your ears;) also the relationship this song talks about sounds so healthy!!!

mo

 

feb music tag: day 23

A song that you want to play at your wedding”

Assuming that one day I get proposed to and am ready for something so big and I actually got to decide on the music, i would for sure incorporate this one. I didn’t know if I wanted to pick out the song for the first dance of the bride or groom or one of the reception songs. I feel like it wouldn’t go to well because I would dead ass want so many rock songs and oldies to play and I don’t think that would necessarily fit well with everyone but then agaiin it would be my wedding. Anyways, that topic is a whole ways off and not even sure if I will ever get to make that step in my lifetime, but here’s a song if by chance I do.

IT MAKES ME WANT TO DANCE. Like come on who wouldn’t get out of their seats or move at least a little to it? The song is golden. idk why but the 1975, especially this song, gives me The Cure vibes and I am here for it.

mo

 

feb music tag: day 20

all my friends – knocked loose

A good song to listen to when you are angry”

Being that it is my man’s birthday, I wanted to find a way to incorporate him into this post. Therefore, I asked him for a song recommendation that went with today’s topic. Surprisngly, he thought that it was a really easy decision and he recommended All My Friends by Knocked Loose. Tbh this is the first time that I listen to this song. Me and Joey have similar taste in music but I still get exposed to different artists/songs when I talk to him, which is really nice. Can you tell that he listens to heavier stuff than I do? It’s hot though;)

So if you ever just want to throw shit around and be pissed off at the world, listen to this song. hehe

happy birthday babe (ง •̀_•́)ง

mo❤️