the thing about love

here’s the thing about love – it knows no selfishness and no ego. it knows patience and wanting the other person to be happy just as much as you want to be happy yourself. don’t get me wrong – YOUR own personal happiness will almost always be a tier above another but when it comes to loving someone with all your heart, sometimes if they are lucky, they end up on the same tier as you so that when they are happy, you are happy. that’s true love. i have recently been going through quite a rollercoaster in my love life. i will spare you the details because it is personal. however, what i want to discuss, which is something extremely new to me was just realized as i hung up with the man that i love after finding out that there may be another woman in the picture. let’s keep in mind that me and him are not together. And i hadn’t told anyone but my closest friends about the situation/break up because it is extremely complicated how it came about. but we continued to be in each others’ lives as he worked/works on himself and we go about our own life challenges. These are just things that i have realized about myself and my character and i feel like it’s kind of a guideline into knowing whether you really love someone or not and a mature way to act in response to finding out about the one you love with someone else. there may be some controversy about how i should have reacted to this situation, but to be honest, this is just my character and who i am, and if you disagree, i understand but keep in mind that this is how I feel about MY situation.

1. Find happiness in the other’s happiness

i feel like in past relationships before this one, I have always said i cared about the others happiness but in a sense, i was selfish and would still get upset if i saw someone spending time with someone else more than me (even if they were just friends). i would get jealous. get rude. and act like someone that i didn’t want to be. but in this situation, after finding out that the person i hold so dear to my heart is spending time with another woman – not romantically – but that it may potentially become something more, at first, fuck yeah it hurt. but the more i thought about it, the more i realized how much i genuinely care for his happiness and that if she is able to provide him with the closeness and comfort that i cannot, being that i am about 3 hours away, then that was of the up most importance to me. i know it’s so easy for people to say “i’m happy for you” but it’s another thing to mean it. i mean it. as soon as i realized that this person was providing him what i can’t in a long distance relationship, all my pain went away because i knew deep down that he is benefiting as an individual from it, and what kind of person would i be to get mad or upset over it?

2. Don’t hate the guy. Don’t hate the girl either.

For the purposes of this piece, i will refer to him as M and her as W. if you are close to me then you know who i am referring to. if not, then just know that this is how i will be addressing them. I’m sure you would assume that i would be angry with W and think bad about her or even maybe feel insecure within myself and compare myself to her, but the truth is, i like her. A lot . i’ve come to the realization that i am a very egotistical person and it’s something i have been working on. i used to always think that cliché saying of “i’m different. no other girl will be as good as me.” but the truth is that EVERYONE is deserving of love. And just like i have so much to offer M, someone else might be able to offer just as much as me if not more. so who am i to say that W is no good for him, when she could end up being the best thing for him in this point in time? I am also not mad at M. He is doing what he feels is best. he is vulnerable right now and needs someone physically to comfort him. i know being vulnerable isn’t always an excuse but honestly? we are all fucking human. we get vulnerable and we let people in when we are because attention is nice and so is knowing that someone is willing to listen and understand or try to understand what you are going through. How could i be mad at him for being human?

3. Know that there is nothing wrong with you.

When i love someone and i’m in a relationship with that person i give my ALL. granted, i haven’t always been the best girlfriend in past relationships but the more and more experience i get, the more and more i learn what i was doing wrong, grow from it, and do better in the next relationship. this relationship, in particular, was by far the best i’ve ever been in. no power struggles. no sassiness. nothing but love and mutual understanding that we are equals and deserve respect at all times. i can honestly say that i feel like i have been the best girlfriend i have ever been in any relationship, HANDS DOWN. for this reason, i know that this situation isn’t happening because there is something wrong with me because i know that i did all i could. instead, it’s something out of my control that is happening for a reason – because it is what is supposed to happen at this given time. there’s no use in being insecure or wondering what she might have that i don’t, because everyone has something great to offer but at this time, i can’t offer what M needs. And i fully understand that.

4. Remember that Time doesn’t stop for anyone and the future is malleable.

What i mean by this, is that despite the relationship not working out, there is no way to know what will happen in the future. M and W could become something romantic and it could end up working out into marriage or it could end horribly. Or they could remain friends. I strongly believe that me and M will get back together in the end of all this. maybe that’s why i’m okay with things the way they are right now? but i also acknowledge that this could be the literal end of anything romantic for me and him ever again. but like i said. Time waits for no one. therefore, i will continue to live my life and be the best person i can be for myself and eventually for whoever may show up in the picture in the long run. i could end up alone with just a puppy living my best life or i could end up with M happy as ever because we made it through all the turmoil. Or i could end up with someone completely different. right now i honestly can’t imagine myself with anyone but M in the long run because i’m EXTREMELY picky and honestly i’m in love ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ but i know that things will work out the way they are meant to and i will never force life to be a certain way. All i can do is hope for the best and continue to work on myself.

I guess what i want you to all gather from this is that a true love exists out there for everyone and it may not always be perfect and there may come a time where you and your person aren’t meant to be in a relationship at a given time because maybe mental illness, or distance, or someone else in the picture. That doesn’t mean that things have to end on a harsh note and it doesn’t mean you can’t be in each others’ life again. I understand it’s easier said than done when it comes to not feeling sad about it. But i kid you not, i was sad about it right when he told me, but then i felt an overwhelming feeling of just love and passion for his happiness and well being that it superseded any negative feeling that i was experiencing. that’s what love is. happiness through the pain knowing that the one you love is experiencing the happiness that everyone deserves.

EVERYONE deserves love. Always remember that when you want to wish ill on another. Your character isn’t defined by just how you respond to situations but rather how you genuinely FEEL about the situation. choose to choose love. when love permeates the air, there really is nothing that you can’t do or get through.

mo

feb music tag: day 4

“A song that makes you sad”

There is an irony to sad songs. When I am hurting and listen to these songs, they end up giving me a feeling of consolation. Despite feeling comforted though, I do experience the feeling of sadness. But like some people say, “the hurt has to come first.” Actually, I don’t even know if that is a saying but if it wasn’t then now it is hehe. So with that being said, here is a song that makes me :/

mo

feb music tag: day 3

“A song that makes you happy”

When I watched the movie Sing Street, there was a word used to describe music that was sad but was made to sound happy. The word was “Happy-Sad.” It was specifically used to refer to music by The Cure. When I heard this,  I went back to listen to some of the songs I have by The Cure in my music library and I realized this description was so true. I would find myself dancing and singing to the music in a great mood despite the fact that the lyrics weren’t always so positive. Therefore today, I am leaving you all with a song that makes me happy to listen to even though the underlying meaning may not be so happy. After all, today is a song that makes me happy – not music that has a happy meaning.

mo

Quote from under this video that I thought was a perfect description:

“this shit makes me want to jump out a window in a good way”

February Music Challenge​

As some of you may know, I love music with a passion. Therefore, I wanted to do something different and fun as a way of sharing the music I love with you all. I know I normally focus on artists, but for this upcoming month, I want to focus on songs.  I know there are only 28 days in the month, but I will find a way to make it work hehe. I will post the picture below of the days and descriptions below in case any of you want to try it out with me. If you do, make sure to tag me or something so I can see what you guys enjoy listening to 🙂

Happy Listening..

Mo

IMG_5708

 

a song & a thought

I do not know what I would do without music to keep me sane when my thoughts are constantly racing. So here is a quick recommendation. This song, in particular, makes me think of a time in my life where I am getting ready to go out with close friends to a really nice dinner. I imagine myself putting on a burnt orange dress and heels. A point in my life where I am content and have no worries about who or what will come into my life. Instead, I am simply enjoying the present and all that it “presents” me with. I crave a time in my life as such. Maybe one day I will find that bliss. But for now, I think a part of me will always worry about what is to come. I suppose that is an aspect of myself that I would like to change. Life is hard. It is for everyone I am sure. I long for true happiness where I can sit on the couch that I have earned through hard work and persistence and hopefully one day share it with another. Until then, I am still an embodiment of dependence on financial supporters who are depending on my own hard work to make all of this worth it. One day, I will find that moment but for now, I just have to take it one day at a time.

Mo

 

 

Cigarettes After Sex

11:22 PM and I am here listening to recently added music and I can’t help but share this artist with you all. I was sitting in my room with a new friend of mine and this friend mentioned an artist to me that I had never heard of before. The beauty of meeting someone new is the potential of learning and finding new things because of that person. Turns out our music taste is very similar and he mentioned this artist, Cigarettes After Sex.  This music just makes me feel like i am on a roof looking at the stars and just soaking in all the emotions I am feeling whether they are sad, happy or both. Their self-titled album, in particular, is one I am extremely fond of. Let me know what you all think.

An Ordinary

A Note on Relationships: (#1: Do I Care Too Much?)

Relationships aren’t something new to me. and by that, I don’t mean I have been with tons of guys, just that I have had quite a share of lessons learned throughout my experiences.  Despite who I am with, I seem to continue to fall back into the same pattern. Although not evident at first, I begin to notice it as feelings progress within me. It is as if once I have decided “okay I am feeling feelings of love,” I just dive heart first into whatever it is and want to do everything in my ability to maintain a healthy, fun loving relationship. When I say “everything,” I do not mean irrational things. I simply mean that I do everything in my power that is healthy for the both of us to maintain a sense of happiness within the relationship.

I wouldn’t say that I am an amazing person to be in a relationship with and that I don’t have my days because believe me, I do. Relationships are never easy, clearly. But I do know that I give my all in every relationship. I understand the importance of communication when one of us aren’t happy with something one of us did. This doesn’t have to be anything as serious as infidelity. It can be things like “hey, I don’t really appreciate when I try to explain how I am feeling and you just try to change the subject to get my mind off of it.” It is little things like this that although are minuscule, can end up becoming bigger as the relationship progresses.

That brings me to my topic for this post: “Caring Too Much In a Relationship.” Lately, I have been feeling as if I care too much, and my eagerness to make sure that this person in my life is always happy causes me to overthink things like when he is sleepy and wants to go to bed, and mistake it for me having done something wrong to cause him to want to call it a night earlier than usual. Most of the time I am right when I feel he is upset, but I always feel like feelings of unhappiness or any other negative feelings should be addressed before the end of the day. That is just how I have always been. I begin to feel like I am just being selfish when I want to make things better and maybe he doesn’t want to discuss how he is feeling or does not feel like opening up at the moment. When I begin to feel like this, I automatically revert to telling myself things like “you care too much, you need to stop texting him, maybe if you ignore him you’ll lose some feelings.” Clearly, this is not the best thing to do and feelings aren’t something that you can control at your leisure.

The truth is, people cope with negative feelings in different ways, and we can’t exactly always be there for someone when we want to be. We just have to make sure to be there when they need us. Saying someone cares too much is like saying someone loves too much or like saying someone is too passionate about something they love. Instead, we should be asking ourselves, “Do  I care enough?.” “Do I do what I can to make sure that the person I am with is receiving the reassurance, passion, love, and consolidation that they need from me and for our relationship to prosper?” Until we start evaluating how well we are doing within the relationship, rather than looking over to see what our significant other is not up to par with, our relationships will not be able to thrive the way that they have the potential to.

Like mentioned earlier in this post, communication is key. Talk about your past, your fears, your dreams. Talk about when you are upset or when you are happy. Be there for each other. Never make the mistake like I have where you feel like you are caring too much or that you need to “stop your feelings from being too strong.” Embrace everything as it comes, the good and the bad. At least then you will know if the relationship does not work out, that you gave unequivocal proof of your all and dove heart first into the happy-sad, passionate and intense feeling we all identify as “love.”

Mo, an ordinary

P.S. let me know if you enjoy these kinds of posts and comment what topic you would like for me to cover next 

Just Sharing My Montage

I learned that I liked to edit videos my freshman year of high school, in which a group of students and I  were assigned a project to reenact a scene from Romeo and Juliet, film it, and make a video out of it. Automatically I wanted to be the “editor.” This assignment was back when Windows Movie Maker was the only really decent editing software that I even knew about. Keep in mind this was before I even knew Macbooks existed. I never realized my passion for editing though, until my Spanish project my sophomore year where I perfected this whole scenario where my hand was empty one moment and then with a snap of my fingers a banana would appear. Don’t get me wrong. I’m no professional by any means but it is something I am very passionate about and something I have been practicing quite diligently in my now completed high school career and as I have continued my youtube venture.

In June I took several shots of the month and created a montage out of all the footage and posted it on youtube. I realized that I never shared it with you all and so here it is. I’m not a big “let me show you my work so I can gain more subscribers on youtube,” but I have realized that if I don’t share it with the public and through the media, then how will anyone know my work even exists? I hope you all enjoy it. And if you do have a youtube and want to subscribe then I would be very appreciative of it. But just to watch it, would mean the world. Thank you all for being so supportive and such a great group of people that I find joy in sharing my passions and thoughts with.

🙂

Local Houston Music: Rome Hero Foxes

If there is anything that I love more than amazing music, it is amazing music that is local.   A great thing about being a YouNower is meeting people from around the world and occasionally running into someone who lives in your local area. This was the case about 3-4 months ago when I met a guy by the name of Joey, who actually happens to be a really important person in my life now (how crazy how a social network can do this). Joey and I share a huge love for music, rock/emo music in particular. I say emo music because I’m not really sure how else to describe music that is sad, angry and happy all in one. I mean if that isn’t emotional, what is it? Anywho, Joey and I enjoy sharing music with each other which is one of the most rewarding things I feel I get from relationships because anything great added to my music library is a memorable moment in itself. After a break up when a song pops up,  I am just like “wow I remember when _____ showed me this song/artist, I’m so glad he did.” Joey has actually introduced me to so many great artists in the short span of time we have been talking, but one band, in particular, happens to be one of my favorite bands to this day AND is from my local area: Houston, TX ( in case you all didn’t know). Wow! This was a long intro lol anyways, let’s get to the recommendation!

This band that was recommended to me and that I am now recommending to you all is Rome Hero Foxes. This band has one full-length album and an EP on apple music, but they also have music on Spotify, Bandcamp, etc. They are relatively new as far as building up their fan base, but their music is amazing. The first album is more rock with super catchy tunes and their EP is acoustic and the music is so emotional with lyrics that you can’t help but appreciate and sing along to. I would recommend this band to all my readers. Even if you aren’t feeling them initially maybe you will enjoy at least one of their songs. Just take a listen! I will link some of their music below.

From Full Length Album “For When You’re Falling Backwards”

From EP “I/O”

A ChitChat

I have been slacking and I am just now realizing that I haven’t really indulged in all the past times that I typically do and I haven’t really had any “me” time. I guess that is how it is when we are so busy doing all our day-to-day life activities that we never really take time to just stop and say “hey, I am going to take some time for myself and do something that I genuinely want and enjoy doing. Something that I am not just obligated to do as an everyday necessity.” That’s the first problem I encounter when I am busy. Another problem is when I have SO much free time that I don’t know where to begin so I just sit there and think about what I should do and before I know it, the day is over and I accomplished nothing. If there is one thing that you should all know about me, it is that I am obsessed with the thought of being productive. Notice that I said the “thought of” and not the “task of” because let’s be real, when you are given time off from your typical circadian rhythm or what I call “adulting,” it sounds soo amazing to just sit on the couch and Netflix and chill as the youngins say. I say youngins but I fit into that category lol. Despite this, if I am not productive, I get an enormous headache for the rest of the day. But of course, what would life be without an obstacle? So there is the dilemma. I have to be productive or I will get a headache, but I need some damn me time. So how the hell do I balance this out with a compromise? I decided to create a schedule for myself. Keep in mind it is the summer before my first year in college, which I will write about in another post and I do not work so I have ALOT of time on my hands. My schedule will be as follows:

Wake up at 8 AM everyday. Make breakfast. Workout. Shower. Then take time to have some me time. Whether that be reading a book, playing piano, singing karaoke, writing music, etc. Then I will have my scheduled “productive” part of the day which will either be younowing, blogging (which honestly is therapeutic to me so that can be considered part of my me time) and planning out my upcoming youtube videos, filming & editing.

I feel with this schedule, I will be able to balance my day with things I could honestly use more time doing as kind of a stress reliever for me and things that are necessary for me to complete in order to maintain my youtube channel and maintain a “productive day.” Everyone’s idea of productivity is different. This is just mine.

In what ways are you productive when you aren’t working/in school? I would love to know. 🙂

until next time…

An Ordinary