something new

i am definitely at a different point in my life than I was six months ago. Crazy — how you can go from believing that someone is the one to accepting that it is okay for chapter books of your life to come to a close to make room for new ones. Reading a book is like gaining knowledge. You immerse yourself. You learn from it and then that knowledge remains ingrained in your mind as you venture into new books, new territories, new experiences. That is where I am right now. I’m finally at the point in my life where I am ready for something new — ready to learn more about myself and continue to grow. For so long I was stagnant — feeling like there was no more I could improve in but it was because I was not being /challenged/ in the way that my mind, body and soul is meant to be. But now I am. And its honestly really refreshing. Its never easy to let go of your past. It takes years and sometimes it never happens. And that is something to be acknowledged — moving on from anything is a process. But it is possible, if you allow it to be. I am open and receptive for the learning opportunties to come as I continue the endeavor of something very new. It’s scary. Unchartered territories. But I know in my heart I am ready. 2020 has been very transformative so far and I am excited for what this new decade will bring for me and this blog. For those of you who are still a part of this, I am excited to share my journey more with you. Introspective Mo is back.

love u all

mo

perhaps

3.11.19

–  the truth about all love is that eventually it has to come to an end. whether that be because of death, feelings lost, someone new, perhaps timing? regardless the case, it ends and your forced to watch the pieces of your soul collapse on the bathroom floor alongside the river valleys and the whimpers –  wondering why the fuck you let it get to this point again and why the fuck you put your heart on your sleeve and let that person take it from you? you remember that it is the best thing that’s ever happened to you.

we all do.

yet, we still can’t help but regret giving ourselves and being vulnerable because whats the point of it all if in the end we are left to begin again?  or perhaps not? perhaps we will never give that part of ourselves away ever again. perhaps we will. perhaps it was never given away to begin with? perhaps it’s always been in you this whole time. and you thought you gave that part of you away but perhaps instead it was hidden –  within.

and perhaps on that bathroom floor wasn’t the pieces of your soul that your love threw back at you when they gave up but perhaps it was the pieces within you that were there – hidden –  saying “hey look. i’m still here. even if he isn’t.” and perhaps he will never love you the way you love him. but perhaps you can love yourself instead? and perhaps that self-love is something that can NEVER be taken from or ripped from your soul. perhaps it is the one kind of love that will never find an end. perhaps it’s the kind of love that we should all aim for.

perhaps.

mo

feb music tag: day 4

“A song that makes you sad”

There is an irony to sad songs. When I am hurting and listen to these songs, they end up giving me a feeling of consolation. Despite feeling comforted though, I do experience the feeling of sadness. But like some people say, “the hurt has to come first.” Actually, I don’t even know if that is a saying but if it wasn’t then now it is hehe. So with that being said, here is a song that makes me :/

mo

feb music tag: day 3

“A song that makes you happy”

When I watched the movie Sing Street, there was a word used to describe music that was sad but was made to sound happy. The word was “Happy-Sad.” It was specifically used to refer to music by The Cure. When I heard this,  I went back to listen to some of the songs I have by The Cure in my music library and I realized this description was so true. I would find myself dancing and singing to the music in a great mood despite the fact that the lyrics weren’t always so positive. Therefore today, I am leaving you all with a song that makes me happy to listen to even though the underlying meaning may not be so happy. After all, today is a song that makes me happy – not music that has a happy meaning.

mo

Quote from under this video that I thought was a perfect description:

“this shit makes me want to jump out a window in a good way”

February Music Challenge​

As some of you may know, I love music with a passion. Therefore, I wanted to do something different and fun as a way of sharing the music I love with you all. I know I normally focus on artists, but for this upcoming month, I want to focus on songs.  I know there are only 28 days in the month, but I will find a way to make it work hehe. I will post the picture below of the days and descriptions below in case any of you want to try it out with me. If you do, make sure to tag me or something so I can see what you guys enjoy listening to 🙂

Happy Listening..

Mo

IMG_5708

 

a song & a thought

I do not know what I would do without music to keep me sane when my thoughts are constantly racing. So here is a quick recommendation. This song, in particular, makes me think of a time in my life where I am getting ready to go out with close friends to a really nice dinner. I imagine myself putting on a burnt orange dress and heels. A point in my life where I am content and have no worries about who or what will come into my life. Instead, I am simply enjoying the present and all that it “presents” me with. I crave a time in my life as such. Maybe one day I will find that bliss. But for now, I think a part of me will always worry about what is to come. I suppose that is an aspect of myself that I would like to change. Life is hard. It is for everyone I am sure. I long for true happiness where I can sit on the couch that I have earned through hard work and persistence and hopefully one day share it with another. Until then, I am still an embodiment of dependence on financial supporters who are depending on my own hard work to make all of this worth it. One day, I will find that moment but for now, I just have to take it one day at a time.

Mo

 

 

Cigarettes After Sex

11:22 PM and I am here listening to recently added music and I can’t help but share this artist with you all. I was sitting in my room with a new friend of mine and this friend mentioned an artist to me that I had never heard of before. The beauty of meeting someone new is the potential of learning and finding new things because of that person. Turns out our music taste is very similar and he mentioned this artist, Cigarettes After Sex.  This music just makes me feel like i am on a roof looking at the stars and just soaking in all the emotions I am feeling whether they are sad, happy or both. Their self-titled album, in particular, is one I am extremely fond of. Let me know what you all think.

An Ordinary

A Note on Relationships: (#1: Do I Care Too Much?)

Relationships aren’t something new to me. and by that, I don’t mean I have been with tons of guys, just that I have had quite a share of lessons learned throughout my experiences.  Despite who I am with, I seem to continue to fall back into the same pattern. Although not evident at first, I begin to notice it as feelings progress within me. It is as if once I have decided “okay I am feeling feelings of love,” I just dive heart first into whatever it is and want to do everything in my ability to maintain a healthy, fun loving relationship. When I say “everything,” I do not mean irrational things. I simply mean that I do everything in my power that is healthy for the both of us to maintain a sense of happiness within the relationship.

I wouldn’t say that I am an amazing person to be in a relationship with and that I don’t have my days because believe me, I do. Relationships are never easy, clearly. But I do know that I give my all in every relationship. I understand the importance of communication when one of us aren’t happy with something one of us did. This doesn’t have to be anything as serious as infidelity. It can be things like “hey, I don’t really appreciate when I try to explain how I am feeling and you just try to change the subject to get my mind off of it.” It is little things like this that although are minuscule, can end up becoming bigger as the relationship progresses.

That brings me to my topic for this post: “Caring Too Much In a Relationship.” Lately, I have been feeling as if I care too much, and my eagerness to make sure that this person in my life is always happy causes me to overthink things like when he is sleepy and wants to go to bed, and mistake it for me having done something wrong to cause him to want to call it a night earlier than usual. Most of the time I am right when I feel he is upset, but I always feel like feelings of unhappiness or any other negative feelings should be addressed before the end of the day. That is just how I have always been. I begin to feel like I am just being selfish when I want to make things better and maybe he doesn’t want to discuss how he is feeling or does not feel like opening up at the moment. When I begin to feel like this, I automatically revert to telling myself things like “you care too much, you need to stop texting him, maybe if you ignore him you’ll lose some feelings.” Clearly, this is not the best thing to do and feelings aren’t something that you can control at your leisure.

The truth is, people cope with negative feelings in different ways, and we can’t exactly always be there for someone when we want to be. We just have to make sure to be there when they need us. Saying someone cares too much is like saying someone loves too much or like saying someone is too passionate about something they love. Instead, we should be asking ourselves, “Do  I care enough?.” “Do I do what I can to make sure that the person I am with is receiving the reassurance, passion, love, and consolidation that they need from me and for our relationship to prosper?” Until we start evaluating how well we are doing within the relationship, rather than looking over to see what our significant other is not up to par with, our relationships will not be able to thrive the way that they have the potential to.

Like mentioned earlier in this post, communication is key. Talk about your past, your fears, your dreams. Talk about when you are upset or when you are happy. Be there for each other. Never make the mistake like I have where you feel like you are caring too much or that you need to “stop your feelings from being too strong.” Embrace everything as it comes, the good and the bad. At least then you will know if the relationship does not work out, that you gave unequivocal proof of your all and dove heart first into the happy-sad, passionate and intense feeling we all identify as “love.”

Mo, an ordinary

P.S. let me know if you enjoy these kinds of posts and comment what topic you would like for me to cover next 

Just Sharing My Montage

I learned that I liked to edit videos my freshman year of high school, in which a group of students and I  were assigned a project to reenact a scene from Romeo and Juliet, film it, and make a video out of it. Automatically I wanted to be the “editor.” This assignment was back when Windows Movie Maker was the only really decent editing software that I even knew about. Keep in mind this was before I even knew Macbooks existed. I never realized my passion for editing though, until my Spanish project my sophomore year where I perfected this whole scenario where my hand was empty one moment and then with a snap of my fingers a banana would appear. Don’t get me wrong. I’m no professional by any means but it is something I am very passionate about and something I have been practicing quite diligently in my now completed high school career and as I have continued my youtube venture.

In June I took several shots of the month and created a montage out of all the footage and posted it on youtube. I realized that I never shared it with you all and so here it is. I’m not a big “let me show you my work so I can gain more subscribers on youtube,” but I have realized that if I don’t share it with the public and through the media, then how will anyone know my work even exists? I hope you all enjoy it. And if you do have a youtube and want to subscribe then I would be very appreciative of it. But just to watch it, would mean the world. Thank you all for being so supportive and such a great group of people that I find joy in sharing my passions and thoughts with.

🙂

Local Houston Music: Rome Hero Foxes

If there is anything that I love more than amazing music, it is amazing music that is local.   A great thing about being a YouNower is meeting people from around the world and occasionally running into someone who lives in your local area. This was the case about 3-4 months ago when I met a guy by the name of Joey, who actually happens to be a really important person in my life now (how crazy how a social network can do this). Joey and I share a huge love for music, rock/emo music in particular. I say emo music because I’m not really sure how else to describe music that is sad, angry and happy all in one. I mean if that isn’t emotional, what is it? Anywho, Joey and I enjoy sharing music with each other which is one of the most rewarding things I feel I get from relationships because anything great added to my music library is a memorable moment in itself. After a break up when a song pops up,  I am just like “wow I remember when _____ showed me this song/artist, I’m so glad he did.” Joey has actually introduced me to so many great artists in the short span of time we have been talking, but one band, in particular, happens to be one of my favorite bands to this day AND is from my local area: Houston, TX ( in case you all didn’t know). Wow! This was a long intro lol anyways, let’s get to the recommendation!

This band that was recommended to me and that I am now recommending to you all is Rome Hero Foxes. This band has one full-length album and an EP on apple music, but they also have music on Spotify, Bandcamp, etc. They are relatively new as far as building up their fan base, but their music is amazing. The first album is more rock with super catchy tunes and their EP is acoustic and the music is so emotional with lyrics that you can’t help but appreciate and sing along to. I would recommend this band to all my readers. Even if you aren’t feeling them initially maybe you will enjoy at least one of their songs. Just take a listen! I will link some of their music below.

From Full Length Album “For When You’re Falling Backwards”

From EP “I/O”